OK, this is wrong, really.
I your humble host actually enrolled in school. And not just to do something like accounting, or buisness. I am irresponsible enough to WANT to be a teacher. And history of all subjects. You see, children need all of the help they can get in life, and I feel my life experience is such that I can offer a reasonable opinion for a child in need. Besides, young men don't have enough male roll models. Any who I am gonna throw a congrats to one of my oldest friends, AMY!!!! Congrats on the baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
God Hates Me
Maybe it is because I am terribly average except at failing in extraordinary ways. Maybe its the fact that I know that he is going to do something fucked up to me, and that nothing surprises me anymore. Maybe still is the fact that no mater how much I say it doesn't matter any more but still does. God will find a way to fuck me over. And over. And if not satisfied with the melted down shell of a man he left behind... he might just fuck with my family.
The last blogs I half ass wrote with no serious thought to how it read, I was doing remarkably well. But alas, It was not meant to be.
No, God has other plans. As if killing me as a child by letting me drown, then having some fucking paramedic revive me so that the battery could continue by an abusive step mother and brother wasn't enough. He decided that he would then pick off everyone whom meant anything to me one by one. Then it was off to a childhood where I was reminded that nothing would ever be good because I was there, and I was too stupid to ever amount to anything.
Then he decided a fucking war was in order. That sure was fun. Lots of exciting things to see that I really wish I hadn't.
He then did something amazing. The one person in life who never failed me, he had marry me. Only to have her become a fucking snake after he killed off several attempts to create a beautiful little life. The taking of the children still hurts. All I ever wanted was a kid. Now it appears he cut that avenue off too.
So after a long road of isolation and self pity( much like the one I embark on now) I tried to do it right. And sometimes I did get it right. But It was only an act. I have never been able to let it go. The fear is always there. And wouldn't you know God came back in Spades. I tried out for the police. Made the top 5 % on the academics test. Out of 2400 people, I was pretty proud. Then Came the physical. I missed the run, but it is my fault for becoming a fat ass. I trained. I cut back on my drinking. Then SNAP! Doing nothing more than walking up the stairs, my fucking foot breaks. For absolutely no fucking reason. I cant even go up the god damned stairs.
Then, he decides that while he has my attention, he will fuck with my family again.
I got a call 3 weeks ago, that my sister, who was actually a healthy 30 something, for no apparent reason had a stroke. Terrified, I rushed as fast as anyone can possibly hop to the hospital. The funny thing? It was exactly a year to the date of my moms stroke. My mom never returned from the hospital, she is here, but not quite the same person. Every day I talk to someone I know, but have to get to know. She has a slightly different personality. Not that I have room to talk. I don't even know who I am. They say my sis will likely be the same way. There, but slightly different.
And again I find myself at war with myself. Its a war that i loose more and more ground in everyday. When screaming doesn't drown out the noise, and all that is left is the bitterness in the knowledge that all that is left is suffering..... how do you look forward to a tomorrow?
The last blogs I half ass wrote with no serious thought to how it read, I was doing remarkably well. But alas, It was not meant to be.
No, God has other plans. As if killing me as a child by letting me drown, then having some fucking paramedic revive me so that the battery could continue by an abusive step mother and brother wasn't enough. He decided that he would then pick off everyone whom meant anything to me one by one. Then it was off to a childhood where I was reminded that nothing would ever be good because I was there, and I was too stupid to ever amount to anything.
Then he decided a fucking war was in order. That sure was fun. Lots of exciting things to see that I really wish I hadn't.
He then did something amazing. The one person in life who never failed me, he had marry me. Only to have her become a fucking snake after he killed off several attempts to create a beautiful little life. The taking of the children still hurts. All I ever wanted was a kid. Now it appears he cut that avenue off too.
So after a long road of isolation and self pity( much like the one I embark on now) I tried to do it right. And sometimes I did get it right. But It was only an act. I have never been able to let it go. The fear is always there. And wouldn't you know God came back in Spades. I tried out for the police. Made the top 5 % on the academics test. Out of 2400 people, I was pretty proud. Then Came the physical. I missed the run, but it is my fault for becoming a fat ass. I trained. I cut back on my drinking. Then SNAP! Doing nothing more than walking up the stairs, my fucking foot breaks. For absolutely no fucking reason. I cant even go up the god damned stairs.
Then, he decides that while he has my attention, he will fuck with my family again.
I got a call 3 weeks ago, that my sister, who was actually a healthy 30 something, for no apparent reason had a stroke. Terrified, I rushed as fast as anyone can possibly hop to the hospital. The funny thing? It was exactly a year to the date of my moms stroke. My mom never returned from the hospital, she is here, but not quite the same person. Every day I talk to someone I know, but have to get to know. She has a slightly different personality. Not that I have room to talk. I don't even know who I am. They say my sis will likely be the same way. There, but slightly different.
And again I find myself at war with myself. Its a war that i loose more and more ground in everyday. When screaming doesn't drown out the noise, and all that is left is the bitterness in the knowledge that all that is left is suffering..... how do you look forward to a tomorrow?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Where to begin PT 2
So the drive across town sucked because we were stuck in a major delay and sobriety was a thing none of us desired. My friend Fern was rocking back and forth at the lack of action and substantial intake of beer, was near his wits end. He rolled down the window and asked the people in the next car if they had ever seen liberty bell. "NO!!!" was the scream in horror at our retarded friend, knowing full well that he intended to expose himself not only in public but on a highway in which we were stuck. Looking at those people was not our idea of fun, and neither was a naked Fern. Maria then told me that if i was worried about him, I couldn't possibly be paying attention to her. The next 35 min were of no significance as it was spent with adolescent make out sessions and our driver screaming that this bullshit traffic was wasting valuable time for drinking.
We arrived at my friend Jay's house and it is packed. No place to park, but around the corner, and his neighbors are actually having a gathering on their own. I instantly realised my neighbors sucked and wished I too could live in a neighborhood that had giant social gatherings. Fern didn't even wait for the car to turn off, he was gone, purpose driven towards the keg that surely existed inside the house. on my way out of the car, my hand was grabbed by maria, and I was informed that my party was not inside that house but in the back seat with her. Now I'm not about to argue with a pretty lady and, certainly not going to kiss and tell but we woke up in the car around 7 in the mourning. That annoying ding noise as someone opens a car door. My friend Chris smiling, asking how we slept. Me, with a crick in my neck, and a beauty on my shoulder just smiled. "Sleep", I replied. "I don't think you can do that in a car." She laughed, said my bed better be made, because I need my beauty sleep. Chris asked if we had seen the black out king, and we replied no. We then wondered if Fern was going to show up weeks later with Tiajuana Gangster tattooed on his lower back. Knowing that he isn't called showstopper for no reason, we called a cab and went back to the restaurant to fetch my car.
We arrived at my friend Jay's house and it is packed. No place to park, but around the corner, and his neighbors are actually having a gathering on their own. I instantly realised my neighbors sucked and wished I too could live in a neighborhood that had giant social gatherings. Fern didn't even wait for the car to turn off, he was gone, purpose driven towards the keg that surely existed inside the house. on my way out of the car, my hand was grabbed by maria, and I was informed that my party was not inside that house but in the back seat with her. Now I'm not about to argue with a pretty lady and, certainly not going to kiss and tell but we woke up in the car around 7 in the mourning. That annoying ding noise as someone opens a car door. My friend Chris smiling, asking how we slept. Me, with a crick in my neck, and a beauty on my shoulder just smiled. "Sleep", I replied. "I don't think you can do that in a car." She laughed, said my bed better be made, because I need my beauty sleep. Chris asked if we had seen the black out king, and we replied no. We then wondered if Fern was going to show up weeks later with Tiajuana Gangster tattooed on his lower back. Knowing that he isn't called showstopper for no reason, we called a cab and went back to the restaurant to fetch my car.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Where to begin Pt.1
The last two weeks have been complete mayhem for me, and so I broke the promise to complete at least one post for any given week. I will therefore be writing one every day till I have this changing point in life fully layed out.
Two weeks ago Tuesday my best friend and I decided to out for drinks and food at one of the national wing chains. We decided that Makers Mark and Coke, or Irish Car Bombs were the only acceptable drinks on a night in the middle of the week for which to remove 5 years of the shitty end of life. After we enjoyed a ridiculous amount of Garlic Mushrooms and super hot hot wings, our buddy Fern arrived. This is a recipe for disaster as he is not called the black out king for nothing. After downing two quick rounds of car bombs, I see a large group of random strangers with a majority population of females enter, and in the mood to party decide to buy all 9 of them a round.
After some brief introductions, with everyone around I turned my attention to one of the guys named Mike. Not because I am attracted to another man, but because he looked familiar. And in a city of nearly 2 million people, this does happen from time to time. I asked the usual bullshit, where did you go to school, do you wait anywhere, did you date my friends, none striking home. Finally I asked, "DID you serve?" And bam! The home run was hit. We actually should have both felt like assholes, because you NEVER forget people who have had your back in a Fire Fight. See he served in Germany in our sister unit and we had been drinking together before. He was actually one of my good friends that I plundered that whole country with, but we rarely saw each other.
When we went to Iraq, we ran in different areas of Baghdad, but lived on the same Base. We had actually done tons of joint missions and eaten at the same chow table numerous times. We just never met each other with a beard, or looked so out of shape to each other. After realising that we were indeed amongst friends the drinking hit high gear. This wonderfully tall Brown eyed Hispanic girl named Steph asked me if I really served in the was with Mike, and after a confirmation she told me that she was glad to meet someone else who he served with. We toasted the table, downed another round and she began to ask me the usual "Interested" questions. Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you want one? The last bringing a huge smile to my face.
By this time my selections on the internet juke box finally on Kicked off with the tasteful selection of Slayer!! Raining Blood. This got the whole group of like minded headbangers riled up. After a non P-G explanation of what she liked to do to the song, she found her way into my arms. Nearly an hour later and four rounds later, she was Asked where it was I liked to go drinking. When I told her where, she asked if I knew any of the bartenders there. "I know them all!" I replied rather cocky. To which she informed me that not only was the very sexy Kitty her running buddy, but that one of my partners in crime Jay was also her friend. Once again in a town of nearly 2 million people, completely on opposite ends of the city, I meet people who know people. Lets go get hammered she yells!
After paying our rather steep bills, we find the 2 designated drivers and make the cross town journey.
Continued tomorrow....
Two weeks ago Tuesday my best friend and I decided to out for drinks and food at one of the national wing chains. We decided that Makers Mark and Coke, or Irish Car Bombs were the only acceptable drinks on a night in the middle of the week for which to remove 5 years of the shitty end of life. After we enjoyed a ridiculous amount of Garlic Mushrooms and super hot hot wings, our buddy Fern arrived. This is a recipe for disaster as he is not called the black out king for nothing. After downing two quick rounds of car bombs, I see a large group of random strangers with a majority population of females enter, and in the mood to party decide to buy all 9 of them a round.
After some brief introductions, with everyone around I turned my attention to one of the guys named Mike. Not because I am attracted to another man, but because he looked familiar. And in a city of nearly 2 million people, this does happen from time to time. I asked the usual bullshit, where did you go to school, do you wait anywhere, did you date my friends, none striking home. Finally I asked, "DID you serve?" And bam! The home run was hit. We actually should have both felt like assholes, because you NEVER forget people who have had your back in a Fire Fight. See he served in Germany in our sister unit and we had been drinking together before. He was actually one of my good friends that I plundered that whole country with, but we rarely saw each other.
When we went to Iraq, we ran in different areas of Baghdad, but lived on the same Base. We had actually done tons of joint missions and eaten at the same chow table numerous times. We just never met each other with a beard, or looked so out of shape to each other. After realising that we were indeed amongst friends the drinking hit high gear. This wonderfully tall Brown eyed Hispanic girl named Steph asked me if I really served in the was with Mike, and after a confirmation she told me that she was glad to meet someone else who he served with. We toasted the table, downed another round and she began to ask me the usual "Interested" questions. Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you want one? The last bringing a huge smile to my face.
By this time my selections on the internet juke box finally on Kicked off with the tasteful selection of Slayer!! Raining Blood. This got the whole group of like minded headbangers riled up. After a non P-G explanation of what she liked to do to the song, she found her way into my arms. Nearly an hour later and four rounds later, she was Asked where it was I liked to go drinking. When I told her where, she asked if I knew any of the bartenders there. "I know them all!" I replied rather cocky. To which she informed me that not only was the very sexy Kitty her running buddy, but that one of my partners in crime Jay was also her friend. Once again in a town of nearly 2 million people, completely on opposite ends of the city, I meet people who know people. Lets go get hammered she yells!
After paying our rather steep bills, we find the 2 designated drivers and make the cross town journey.
Continued tomorrow....
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Drinky!!
His lordship snuffy would like to tell his 2 whole readers that he is not on the down and out, he was merley sick. Im too shit faced at the moment to intelligibly write right now, but if I dont write something I would be a bastard ass hole face, and possibly a bag head.....I love you all!
P.S. your all way better at this shit than meeeee!!!
P.S. your all way better at this shit than meeeee!!!
Friday, February 13, 2009
As for me, I hocked my brains packed my bags and headed west
So after needing to recover from the disgusting feeling in my stomach after such a blog post filled with this HOPE garbage, His Majesty Lord Snuffy decided it was time to act like a hermit!
So with his meager 120 dollars to my lowly Irish name, I decided it was time to go west! I took a trip to some of my favorite West Texas towns.
I started here in San Antonio, and just got in the Chariot er... piece of shit mustang....and didn't stop till I realised I almost fucked myself. You see folks, If your going to drive through the empty expanse, its best to look at your gas gauge. If its at 1/4 tank, its best to buy Dino fuel before your stopped 15 miles from the nearest town....Lucky for my lazy ass, there was no WALKING to be done as there was a hole in the wall gas station right outside of Hondo. So after a quick fill and a 2 liter soda, it was time to go. An hour and a half later, I was In Del Rio!!! I love this place. It has Muy Bueno Don Mocilinos Mexican Restaurant, and there tasty fajitas!!! And it has Lake Amistad! An awsome place to go to fish. but with no fishing gear I thought hey, Ill just walk the dam. No prob right? Wrong. I get to the entrance of the fucking dam and its closed! Then much to my disgust I hear these fucking hecklers cussing me in Spanish. Not one known for a temper, I tried to shrug it off. But these fucking morons actually tried to tell me to give them a ride. Fuck you is my obvious answer to the short little faggots who looked as though a shower hasn't had their company in 3 or 4 days.
Now I don't carry, but this is Texas, and I do conceal on trips in my car. And when my friends decided to not take my hint, they wound up face to face with 38 special. I will never understand why people insist on trying to fuck with someone who is inside their car, especially in this gun happy state. But after a very pissy remark about being white trash scum, the obviously least drunk individual decided that my pea shooter was indeed enough to kill someone dead, and beckoned the other fools to leave me be. A very fortunate set of circumstances, couse I have enough on my conscious.
So from Del Rio it was off to Odessa and the sea of brown. I hate the desert. Not dislike, not don't care for, I fucking hate it. Which is exactly why I went. I needed to remind myself that while I am really pissed over the way things are going, I could always live in this piss hole. In fact this expensive 7 hour reminder is so overwhelmingly effective that I left an hour after I arrived. The sun was up, and I haven't slept yet. I haul ass past Midland to the Hwy 87 south exit and booked for San Angelo. While not the most amazing city known to man, San Angelo has a homey feel to it that just welcomes you to it. I stoped at one of the Local joints, had a chicken fried steak which was larger than the plate it came on and less than 7 bucks. Went into the parking lot and slept for around 4 hours. After my nice nap, I was feeling really crusty. So I turned on the AC headed for I 10 and home. after a beautifully scenic drive in the hill country I find myself on the outskirts of town, and what do I see?? The most hated day of the year. Valentines day. Just when I was starting to feel better, I get to see these sick pictures of people happily in love, not at all like myself and I wonder. Will I ever get to see what these jack asses in the pictures feel? Meh, why bother, i decided, and so I made this lousy ass attempt to make a post. If you made it this far, thanks for coming along for the ride, but my best friend just gave me a bottle of moon shine, and I got so memories to drown. Till next time.
So with his meager 120 dollars to my lowly Irish name, I decided it was time to go west! I took a trip to some of my favorite West Texas towns.
I started here in San Antonio, and just got in the Chariot er... piece of shit mustang....and didn't stop till I realised I almost fucked myself. You see folks, If your going to drive through the empty expanse, its best to look at your gas gauge. If its at 1/4 tank, its best to buy Dino fuel before your stopped 15 miles from the nearest town....Lucky for my lazy ass, there was no WALKING to be done as there was a hole in the wall gas station right outside of Hondo. So after a quick fill and a 2 liter soda, it was time to go. An hour and a half later, I was In Del Rio!!! I love this place. It has Muy Bueno Don Mocilinos Mexican Restaurant, and there tasty fajitas!!! And it has Lake Amistad! An awsome place to go to fish. but with no fishing gear I thought hey, Ill just walk the dam. No prob right? Wrong. I get to the entrance of the fucking dam and its closed! Then much to my disgust I hear these fucking hecklers cussing me in Spanish. Not one known for a temper, I tried to shrug it off. But these fucking morons actually tried to tell me to give them a ride. Fuck you is my obvious answer to the short little faggots who looked as though a shower hasn't had their company in 3 or 4 days.
Now I don't carry, but this is Texas, and I do conceal on trips in my car. And when my friends decided to not take my hint, they wound up face to face with 38 special. I will never understand why people insist on trying to fuck with someone who is inside their car, especially in this gun happy state. But after a very pissy remark about being white trash scum, the obviously least drunk individual decided that my pea shooter was indeed enough to kill someone dead, and beckoned the other fools to leave me be. A very fortunate set of circumstances, couse I have enough on my conscious.
So from Del Rio it was off to Odessa and the sea of brown. I hate the desert. Not dislike, not don't care for, I fucking hate it. Which is exactly why I went. I needed to remind myself that while I am really pissed over the way things are going, I could always live in this piss hole. In fact this expensive 7 hour reminder is so overwhelmingly effective that I left an hour after I arrived. The sun was up, and I haven't slept yet. I haul ass past Midland to the Hwy 87 south exit and booked for San Angelo. While not the most amazing city known to man, San Angelo has a homey feel to it that just welcomes you to it. I stoped at one of the Local joints, had a chicken fried steak which was larger than the plate it came on and less than 7 bucks. Went into the parking lot and slept for around 4 hours. After my nice nap, I was feeling really crusty. So I turned on the AC headed for I 10 and home. after a beautifully scenic drive in the hill country I find myself on the outskirts of town, and what do I see?? The most hated day of the year. Valentines day. Just when I was starting to feel better, I get to see these sick pictures of people happily in love, not at all like myself and I wonder. Will I ever get to see what these jack asses in the pictures feel? Meh, why bother, i decided, and so I made this lousy ass attempt to make a post. If you made it this far, thanks for coming along for the ride, but my best friend just gave me a bottle of moon shine, and I got so memories to drown. Till next time.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Suck and Fail.
Simple enough to wrap your mind around. Take your typical burned out vet. Give him a few years to try and get over the mental reality of life after war. Have him try out for the police dept. Watch him sweat with worry as he tries to not psyc himself out. Wondering if he is going to hurt something and have to go back into that goddamned wheelchair.
1st event. Passed...look at him, confused as he has'nt done shit in 4 years.
2nd event. Hold on...how did these guys who are in increadible looking shape fail, and his fat ass pass??
3rd and final event. After scratching the back of his head raw from disbelief that he is still here when the supermen he thought he had no chance against were all but gone. Look at him run, he looks funny all tired and sweaty. Did he actualy finish the run? What the hell, people are walking behind him. wait they are yelling at him to hurry. The back of his fat theighs burning, arms like spaghetti, lings about to explode. The irony taste of blood in his mouth. But wait,..thats not blood. Thats the failure coursing through his veins. Like ice water that just ruined his wonderful day in paradise. 28 seconds too late. Its what he gets for having a hope. Hope floats just like fish crap in a dirty lake. Mabee next time he will actually prepare. That new gym membership better be worth it becouse it sure as hell is expensive. But at least he finished the damn thing. Unlike the cowards that looked so wonderful, and gave up. Guess he still has a little grit after all. Its sure good to be alive.
1st event. Passed...look at him, confused as he has'nt done shit in 4 years.
2nd event. Hold on...how did these guys who are in increadible looking shape fail, and his fat ass pass??
3rd and final event. After scratching the back of his head raw from disbelief that he is still here when the supermen he thought he had no chance against were all but gone. Look at him run, he looks funny all tired and sweaty. Did he actualy finish the run? What the hell, people are walking behind him. wait they are yelling at him to hurry. The back of his fat theighs burning, arms like spaghetti, lings about to explode. The irony taste of blood in his mouth. But wait,..thats not blood. Thats the failure coursing through his veins. Like ice water that just ruined his wonderful day in paradise. 28 seconds too late. Its what he gets for having a hope. Hope floats just like fish crap in a dirty lake. Mabee next time he will actually prepare. That new gym membership better be worth it becouse it sure as hell is expensive. But at least he finished the damn thing. Unlike the cowards that looked so wonderful, and gave up. Guess he still has a little grit after all. Its sure good to be alive.
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