The long walk

Today was a funny day for me, I woke up at around 7:30 am, and just put on a shirt and shorts on and walked my ass out the door. Where did my dumb ass go you ask? Hell if I know but my trek according to map quest was around 18 miles. This would also explain why me feet hurt really really bad. It was however a nice way to reflect upon the changes to this city!
I started from my house to go down town which if you ever get a chance to visit San Antonio, is a great influx of Spanish, Mexican, and typical Texan influence. Great architecture, wonderful food and the kindest most polite people ever. Its nice to go down town and just admire the scenery. I am a professed people watcher, and this city is a great place to do it. I picked a random shady bench to take my much deserved break and was cough up in the movement of City officials, Business men, happy couples swaying to their own personal love song, romancing in the mild near spring like air. High school students here on a Field trip from Houston to visit the Alamo, only to discover a city with its own vibrant culture built around the historic land mark. The smell of Grilled Fajitas and mesquite BBQ pits swell in the air. It is an intoxicating mix of easy going attitudes and wonderful foods that make this trip worth it every time for me. Then I spot them.
The most adorable old couple. Her in a wheel chair, him pushing. They had to be in their late 70's and probably more in love than they were in their 20's. Probably in disbelief at how much things have changed in their lifetimes, yet the flame of true love still warming their souls like chicken soup on a cold wet night.
That is life. Living at its finest and these are the kind of people I truly admire. Not worried over economics, or war, they have seen it, lived it, and loved through it.
Content that I had seen what I sub consciously set out to see, and feeling a little better knowing that happiness is attainable began my long trip home. At a much slower, less deliberate pace. This is San Antonio after all. Whats my hurry?

Huh,

Well folks this is strange. I was out eating with a few friends at my buddies resturaunt. I took a sip of my drink and did'nt want it. This is a crisis of epic proportions as there was the silky goodness that comes only from Jim Beam in that glass. I don't know if I just really did'nt like the way it mixed with the Ribeye Ala Mexicana, but this was definatly a cause for concern. I have seldom lacked interest in such a tasty drink, so I will see how it is in a few days. I am actualy blaming it on a possible dehydration from my run today. I was retarded and was'nt doing the fluids like I should.
So yes, there you have it I actually made a blog post about my Jim Beam not tasting right. I am going to go hide in a small dark corner, my disgrace in tow.......


On a side note, the dinner was fabulous! My buddies Matt and James and Matt's new girlfriend who is completely hillarious were there to laugh at my total lack of dignaty as I asked for a plain coke.

Me

Well, Im back, not that it matters, I am in effect talking with my self....but what the hell. I woke up this mourning, realising that hey, Things have been amazing as of late, so why not post again. No negitivity,....er...not a lot of negitivity would do me some good!
Things I have done and resolved.
1.I loose no more. Period. After a near go to jail stint, I decided that the verry polite officer whom helped me was a great example of what to strive for. He was kind, and still no push over.
2. Loose some goddamned weight. Already done it. 22 pounds in a little over a month! Feels real good too. I forgot how much agression I can purge in a serious no frills work out. Besides, the added attention of not feeling like a slob is a fond memory that I get to re-live!
3. I will quit grinding my teeth over the commander in cheif of this country. I have no problembs with him personaly, just some of his policies. However, I will conduct my self with a tad more dignity than the far left loons that suffered from a derangement complex over the last president. I will give him the benifit of the doubt, and I do like some of his ideas. The games need to stop, and he apears to be attempting to blow the game ending wistle..
(I do wish we would pick someone other than a tax cheat to run the tax service, but hey...we cant win them all. I just wish he wasnt taking the expideant route by saying, yes he is a crook, but we need him...cant we have someone without scandal for once?)
4. Let go of the past. This was the most important thing ever to me. I no longer try to re live the past by attempting to be me like I used to be. Its impossible. I have half the world under my boots, and a new out look on life. Perspective that is different from my old one. Its good. The change is amazing. I learned to embrace who I am, and well Its pretty damn nice!
5. Make the police department!!! I placed very high on the writen test, so I hope to pass the initial physical test. This would not only be a great carreer, but a way for me to do some good in life again not only for me but the comunity as well.
So there you have it, a new pic, a new out look, and a fresh feel! And A drink now and then dont hurt either!

Hiatus

So, to my two readers, Globus and Amy I guess I should say where the hell I have been.
Well drunk, ...um yeah thats it. I dont know why but I have been in a fun fay lately. Ok, a lie. I actually was in a really bad accident at work that I am personaly glad I survived. So my writing went on hold. Then I self medicated with teh booze! So while not a total lie, it was awsome to have people visit me while I was in bed and get me shit faced with out even having to get dressed!!!! I hope all is well on your ends. Be safe, and believe me I mean it.

Weekend madness by the numbers!

Folks first off, i am a damn plagiarist. I stole this Idea from Amy and her insomniac musings, who stole it further from else where. I believe I know now how the Associated Press got so caught up with their coverage of this last hurricane. Any who by the numbers... Easy!!!
12. The number of times I failed at bowling a frame of more than 150...(god I suck)
14. The number of Jim Beam and cokes I consumed on Sat night! Woo hoo to having the pull of being a regular who tips well so the bartender drives you home at no charge!!!!(Well maybe the cost of my dignity)
1. The number hot best friends of the hot chick who stood me up that I made out with publicly in front of said stander upper hot chick!! This one is for some reason interested in continuous correspondence and future swapping of DNA.
4. The number of dirty looks stander upper gave me as I enjoyed the company of stander uppers hot friend. (Great success!)
2. The number of bottles of Bushmills that we went through at the party I threw last night!
11. The number of people who came to said gathering!
0. The number of regrets I have after such a fabulous weekend!!! Besides this hot friend of the stander upper winch is actually a much better version as she is not high maintenece and loves football!!!

YAY for friday!

Oh yes, its very much that day of the week that causes endless joy in my lackluster life! Folks its Friday, and today snuffy is going to go bowling,....well er drinking with a round or two thrown in. Lets hope that fellow bowler/ prospect Code Named Completely Gorgeous helps snuffy get a strike!!!!
This person has been a friend for eons, and while snuffy has always found her majestic, I never believed that this person was even remotely interested. It took the Divine intervention of her friends to smack the back of the head, and say "Hey stupid, she thinks your cute!" Lies obviously. This sick trap will work only cause whilst liqueured up, I care as much as a poo slinging chimp! Besides I never was one to worry over these things. Here's to hoping for fireworks!

My mind At its worst

Folks it has been a hectic week, and as the blog name states I am having the usual problems figuring out who the hell I am. I am a slightly Conservative well mannered and liked individual who on the surface appears to be calm, rational, and in control. There is however a slight problem with this. I am actually quite the opposite. You see I have been fighting myself since the war, and it gets really hard sometimes(Especially times of stress) to control my rage. I have a number of things that will flash through my mind daily that I barely control. One moment it is grief, the next hate, I really cannot stand it. As I stated in my last post, I have acted out on my feelings. My in ability to control that basic instinct tells me that I am loosing progress that I felt I made. This poses a problem as well as snuffy now stays awake for days on in now. I hate not being able to sleep as it also ads to the stress, which in turn deprives sleep. My only therapy lately seems to be the hooch, but I do NOT want to wind up she stinks ass homeless drunk you see on the street corners.
The left tards in this country do not help. They provide me with endless speak of baby killer and self victimization that in this country is impossible to find.
But until I figure out how to over come my hatred of shrinks(quacks) I will have to adapt and suffer. Ah the price of freedom.